Total Eclipse of the Heart

What is it about men who play guitar? Remember the scene in “Better Off Dead” when John Cusak’s friend tells him he ought to play his sax again? “Chicks dig it if you play an instrument. Look at Roy [the guy who stole his girlfriend] he plays the guitar!” It’s such a stereotype but it’s true. Musicians always get the girls. Hell, that’s usually the reason they start a band in the first place.

So I met this guy on Plenty of Fish and he had a ton of videos on You Tube of himself singing covers and playing acoustic guitar; just him and a video camera, shooting himself in various parts of his house. He had a cute video too with him walking in the woods that had obviously had a lot more work that went into it. Cool; I can dig it.

Again; he had a weird face. Something about him just looked off. Did I listen to my gut? Of course not and hence we have this wonderful/horrible story to tell. Well, experiences like this build character, right?

We had a few dates: coffee, dinner, me listening to him play while I sat in his room. You know, normal stuff. He came to a party I had and met my friends. They seemed to like him. We watch goofy videos on You Tube; I’ll never forget the one that made fun of “Total Eclipse of the Heart”. It was dubbed with singing to the tune of the song but described what she was doing, “Now I’m running through an old house while the curtains blow in the wind”, or something like that. We were laughing so hard we nearly peed ourselves. And of course, we watched a few of his. Everyone was impressed.

The weird date happened though when he decided to take me on his favorite hike down on the Potomac near Route 29 in Arlington, close to his house. It was a nice day and we could see Georgetown from our side. We rambled over rocks and strolled on a dirt path. Birds were singing and butterflies fluttering. Was love in the air?

We got to a spot with a large rock that I couldn’t hop over without some difficulty. I put my hand out expecting his to take it and assist me. A gentleman would have done that.

Apparently, he is not a gentleman.

“What?” he asked me. Like he had no clue what I wanted.

“UM, can I have a HAND? [You moron]” I replied. His mother would be horrified as I’m sure she raised him better than that. I don’t think some men think about that. What would you do at this moment if she were watching? Not during sex of course, that would be gross and weird.

With great effort and obvious annoyance, he came and grabbed my hand.

We sat for a bit on the rocks and watched the river flow by. My anger subsided and my decision was finalized. Thanks but no thanks, you’re a loser. And you’re strange looking.

We walked back and he drove me back to his house where my car was. Did I want to come in? No thanks. I gotta get home and feed the cat or wash my hair, or wash my cat. Take your pick as they’re all untrue I just want to go home and never see you again.

That was the end of my infatuation with guitar players. If you read any of my other stories, you know I had issues with another who sang in bars. (See “Lounge Lizard”). I’ve learned my lesson. Never date a man who is full of himself about his guitar abilities unless he is a talented as Eddie Van Halen.

I never called him again. The funny thing is, he never called me again either. I guess he didn’t want to have to hold his hand out to help me. Maybe he was worried it might get damaged like a nail model who wears gloves? Remember on Seinfeld when George was dancing through Central Park with his gloves on? Somehow it’s always funnier when it’s in a sit com.

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One Response to Total Eclipse of the Heart

  1. Buttercup says:

    Thanks for the “like”. I hope you’ll keep coming back to read more. Luv, BC

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